its time i pen down my thoughts,
especially on a gibberish day like this.

things are/have been great for me and C.
spending a lot of time together to make up for
the time lost on studying for the exams.
daddy's car broke down yesterday, while i was on the wheel. ):
if it wasnt for C and uncle philip
i would have just packed my bag and runaway.
too afraid to apprehend daddy toh's scoldings
and subject to mummy toh's nagging.

its been an incredibly long time since i last tasted fear.
a sense of nostalgia. a negative force not to be reckon with.
the aftermath is still lingering, struggling to compose the frightened.
attempting to calm my nerves. fighting to keep my composure.

i feel like a horrible bunch of mess today.
badly in need of a hugg and someone to tell me 'its okay'.
C is going out with her today.
part of me wants to ask him not to cause i need him today.
but no. i wont ask that of him.
i dont want to be reliant on him.
perhaps i just need some rest. a lot of it.
and pray that it would be tmrr when i wake up.
today is too much for me to handle.

i am a 'man'. gotta stop being so womanly.
i can/will handle my emotions,
channel the negativity to something more useful.
johanna, YOU'RE STRONGER THAN THIS.
JUST TAKE THIS SHIT AND YOU'LL BE THE BETTER MAN.
ITS JUST A PASSING PHASE.

/i will not succumb to this weak soul.